Kitten's Rant

Kitten has not had a very good day today. People are annoying and I am feeling extremely antisocial. When I went to down to get coffe before theology, they ran out and I hadn't even filled my cup up half way. I went to the little "cafe" that we have that is right accross the room where I have my first class and got some but it was vanill bean and I prefer my coffee black. You know it's not going to be a good day when they mess up your coffee. Then, after my business law class was over, I talked with Jasmine, who is in my business law group and she said that Katie had come up with five companies that we could use for our report. Well, that all fine and good but she should have given us that little tidbit of info last week, before Jasmine and I meant and decided what companies we were doing. I spent 4 hours researching and getting that darn thing ready! If she had been gracious enough to grace us with her presence then we would not be in this predicament. The Business Law Assignment was not the only thing that I spent hours on doing. I had a presentation on the French fashion houses to give today and spent about 2 1/2 hours getting that together and I never got around to giving it and propbably won't either because we will be moving on the the next chapter after spring break. Then {going back to the Business Law class} I found out that I didn't submit the assignment for chapter 10 but thankfully, Brenda is giving us time because most of the others also forgot. Finally, I found out last night that my VBA wasn't right in my macros so I have been spending my lucnh hour fixing it.{Kitten collaspes onto floor after ranting} Can this day get anyworse?
Oh wait. It already is. I have to get caught up in Accounting Problem Solving and Security. I have a test in Business Law and French that are due Wednesday. I also need to get the workbook in Accounting finished because we will be going over it tomorrow.
Need to go but will write more later Friday, possible, if I haven't said the heck with it and moved somewhere far far away on a deserted island{oh, wouldn't that be heaven!}

Family Problems

{Kitten is tired and curled up in a ball on velvet cushion enjoying her last few days of freedom.}

Kitten had a very annoying day at work this morning. First off, two people came up and asked me if I was related to Doc. Well, yes I'm his daughter but no one is supposed to know that so I said no very politely and ignored them. I look a lot my father and they knew I was his daughter. The two people stood at the end of the hall and would occasionally look over at me{I was waiting for Doc to get out of the room to ask him something for Alice}I apparently look alot like AnneMarie too because I have had three people ask me this month if I was her. I see AnneMarie alot now since she moved back to Indiana and we don't like all that alike. I'm so sick of people talking about me. Don't they have anything better to do!

Alice obviously doesn't think I can hack being an accountant. She thinks that I should go into medicine too, "considering my relations." Well, I don't want to be a nurse, nor a doctor, nor anything else in the medical area. Why can't people just support my decision. I'm starting to get what I want figured out but I have all these people coming in and practically telling me I'm doing the wrong thing. I just want to be left alone and do what I think is right for me, is that so much to ask? I don't care if everyone in my family{with the exclusion of about two people} is medical. It's not for me. I like accounting and I like French. I'm good at it, why can't they accept that?

An Odd Day

{Kitten streches out in front of window as the birds go flying by. Thinking...}

Kitten is in an odd mood today. Nothing bad happened today but something is off. I hate this feeling. It's not restlesness or discontenment; it's just there.

Of Religion

I have been reflecting though, on religious matters{rubs tail over head to try and rid herself of her headache} I've been feeling rather guility about the way my life has been going. I'm sure it's not what God wants but is it wrong for me not to regret what I've done. After all, if we didn't make mistakes, how would we ever learn.

Besides, it was may mistakes that have made me who I am. There are a few people (no, not you Bri) that would agree that the person I am now isn't that great. Some might even argue that I have completely turn away from the Catholic faith.

First off, I have made my mistakes and I do consider them mistakes, although, I don't regret making them. I say this because over the past year I have become much more open minded about things and have come to respect other people's opinion, even though I may not agree with them. After all, somewhere in the New Testament, Christ did say, let he who is without sin cast the first stone. I have no right to judge others and there actions anymore than they do me. They only person I should be judging is myself because I can only answer for myself. Being around James and the people he knew made me see that I can still like people, be friends with them, even though we do not have the same beliefs. In my research with mistresses{ and escorts}, I started to see even more clearly, that people are so uniquely individual and are motivated by some many different things{and not all ways the obvious things either} that no one is truly good or truly bad. Another thing my research, and well my own predicament showed me, was that you shouldn't judge a book by it's cover. Your best and oh so innocent, life-long friend my be a mistress to a unkown man; While an escort/ prostitute/ courtesan might be motivated by reasons other than the obvious. You never know what drives people; why they think the way they think, why they do the things they do, why they make the mistakes that they make. Ww need to think anout things like this but not judge what they do. Who's to say we haven't done worse?

So, how does this relate back to my afore mentioned topic of religion? Because of my experinces, I have leanred atleast one valuable lesson and hopefully, this will help make me a better Catholic. I have lost my way and I need to find my way back now but somethings are not that simple. Somethings take a lot of time and this will.

At the Courthose...

On a more annoying note, I was at the court house today taking taxes up for my father and his wife on numerous properties that they hold. While I was wating for the girl to finish up, I noticed she kept looking at me off and on. After a while she leaned over to the other woman, put the paper she was working on over her mouth to try and sheild her words, and asked her if I was his daughter. The other woman nodded. This rather annoyed me. She could have at least waited until I was out of the building to ask, or atleast after I had left the desk and not right in front of me. I'm not bothered by the fact that they knew who my father was, I look like him. I have his face structure, eye color, and hair color. I don't even care that people know I'm his bastard daughter, I just wish people showed more courtesy{sighs} people have no manners.

A Rather Mellow Day for Kitten

General

Kitten has decided to start blogging a little earlier. I've been waiting till closer to night-time and have been putting off ma francais, which is not the way to learn it:)

{Kitten yawns and streches her little back and legs. "So tired"} I really don't have that much to write today.

Let's see, my father is insisting that I take a medical terminology course. I know the reason why, but, come on, I'm an accouting major. I could be using that time to work on more important things.

James

I got a call and an email from James last night. He wants to see me. I'm so torn. This is over and I just wish he would let it go. He has several girlfriends, who are all more his taste. Our relationship just doesn't work and never will. He's the reason why Kitten got no sleep last night. I miss him. Would some one please hit me and tell to grow up? While I told my story of how we meet and what we did last summer, I never said why and how we ended it. Maybe later this week.

Readers

Kitten is surprised. She seems to have a few readers. Over the past few weeks I have recieved some very interesting emails and thanks for your interest. Well, welcome thanks for reading and feel free to email or comment. {Kitten rubs against visitors}

French

Getting back to my French homework, which is what I really should be doing, I'm rather running behind. Too many workbooks and not enough time{sighs} I wish there was actually a French class I could take but unfortunately there isn't. I have negelected my other blog, which happens to be in French. I will right a post in it tonight.

News

will be posted tonight

Kitten's Emotional Ponderings and The Project

{Kitten is sitting dejectedly by her window, with the rain pouring down outside. She starts singing, "Rain, Rain, Go Away, Come Again Another Day.}

Kitten is thoughtful today. Breaha was happy that I shared my secret with her. She read the post where I was a little annoyed with her about three weeks back. I thought that I had taken the post down but I apparently, didn't. She felt bad and I do have to apologize because she wasn't the only person I was mad at the that day. In my numerous English Comp classes, I was always taught that the reader will usually remember what the last point/arguement is more than the others because it is the last thing that he reads. Well, Breaha was the last person that day to upset me so, I took all my flustrations out on her. Sorry Bri.

It did start me to think though. Everyone handles their emotions in a different way. Some are very honest(at times brutually honest) and show and tell whatever their feelings are. Others, let some of their emontions out but keep some back. There are some who hide their emontions and find other ways to release them (like me, through writing). Finally, there are people who just don't deal, with their emontions at all.

I envy the people who just tell it like it is. They may care about the other person and not want to her their feeling but they still tell them when their mad/sad/upset. In the end, it is this type of person who probably has the best relationship. They don't let problems fester. They just get it out there in the open and deal with it. Bri, I put you in this catagory and I so envy you. {Kitten pouts and swishes her tail, annoyed at herself}

Many people fall into the catagory of letting some emotions out but still hiding others. This is probably the second best way to deal with emotions. Tell what you're feeling most of the time but allow little and secrecy with some things. The only probably with hiding emotions is that they have a tendency to fester and agitate as time goes on.

Now here we are to my catagory. Yes, I'm one of those people who don't deal with emotions that much on the surface. I have trouble sometimes, expressing myself verbally. I do deal with my emotions though, by writing. This, however, is not the only way to get emotion out. Some work with music, others are into the arts. In my little opinion, this is not the best way to deal with things but it works. The biggest draw back is that the person(s) bother you might never know that your upset. Therefore problems are not always solved.

Finally, there are people who just do not deal with emotion/feelings at all. This is always very, very bad. You need to get emotions out in one way or another. Whether it is by telling the person directly, by talking to someone outside the situation, or by writing, music, danse,ect. The people who are upsetting you don't know you're hurt and you have these feelings that just don't go away becuase they are not being resolved.

My Little Project

Now, moving on to other things I have been working more on my summer research project on the sex industry, primarily, escorting. I have read many interesting comments from people on the subject but I stumbled upon a blog that really touched me. It was about a woman who is a mistress. She just blogged about her trials of seperating her emotions from her "work" and clients. In a strange way, I can relate to her, but not on her level, exactly. I have never been an escort or a mistress(although...Bri, be quite, I know what you're about to say;). The way I could relate to her was that she had everything but was still dissatified. I have a lot of things but it never seems to be enough. There's all ways something out there I want and at times, I don't even know what it is. Most peopel feel that way, though, so I'm not quite in the boat alone.

The thing I found most interesting about the blog was that she kept saying how liberating it was to be an escort. She didn't need the money, although I'm sure the money was a driving factor. It was the thrill, the excitiment, the rush. She was doing something taboo, saying to hell with society, and being completely independent. I wish I had her courage. It's too bad she hasn't updated her blog in about four years. It would have been really good

Kitten's Worried

Kitten has had a rather good day but has just heard some worrying news. About two weeks ago I wrote that one of my favorite and most helpful blogs went to invited people only. I thought that she just wanted some privacy, which is perfectly understadable. Livvy lives a very intersting life and needs a little privacy. Well, I was just visiting another blog and one of other Livvy's frequent commentors asked what ha happened to her. The respons was that she was worried about Livvy and had written her but had heard nothing. They think it was a person who had been stalking her for some time. Maybe this woman just got to much for Livvy to handle. I really hope Livvy is all right. It might seem silly but I started to think of her as a friend. I can honestly say I never met (well, not actually met in the literal sense) anyone like her. I thought about writing her an email but if she hasn't resonded to any of the others, that probably means she just wants to be left alone. Maybe she blog again after she sorts through all her stuff but I just hope that she's ok.

Kitten sigh and flops down on velvet pillow to take an nap.