The Mysterious Encounter

{Kitten scurries into blog, slipping and sliding as she goes in her haste.}

I was supposed to tell about my about my night with Christina, and I shall, but I must tell you about an interesting and unsettling experience that I had earlier this afternoon.

Breaha and went out for a walk at about 6ish. Sportland Park was so full so we decided to go to Sacared Heart. There were a few highschool guys there but we didn't pay them any attention and they didn't pay us any attention. We stayed there for about 45 minutes but Bri-chan started to feel sick, so we left. We walked down the alley which is rather on a steep hill. At the botton, we meet a white big Mercury(I think) and it had three rather good looking guys in probably, their early to mid twenty. They stopped the car when they seen us. I first thought that they were just letting us by. Then, the one guy in the back sit stuck his head out the window, waved me with his hand, and told me to come here. I just stared at him. I had a really uneasy feeling. He told me to come here again. I ran over to Bri and we went on. The guys didn't say anything again but procedded up the alley.

Bri didn't think it was such a big deal but it freightened me. The way he looked at me, the way he commanded me... I got this really bad vibe. I didn't now then and if they wanted directions or something, why not just ask me from where I was standing, I was close enough, they wouldn't have had to yell. Actually, the guy was so quite that Bri didn't even here him. There was no reason why I had to come up to the car. So, with that and the bad vibe, could their intentions have been less then honorable?

On the other hand, none of the guys in the car, including the one who spoke to me, said anything crude. He didn't try to get out of the car when I ran across the street. So maybe my imgination and shyness got the better of me? In this case, I'm glad I'll never find out.

An Extremely Tired Kitten

{Kitten tries so very hard to keep her little eyes open but it is all to no avail. Falls down in front of keyboard but scurries to type memo}

Kitten had a very interesting time at Christina's but I'm just tuckered out to tell you all that was a foot. I was up until 4 am

{Kitten trips, falls off keyboard, makes it over to velvet cushion and falls fast asleep.}

A Rather Mellow Day for Kitten

General

Kitten has decided to start blogging a little earlier. I've been waiting till closer to night-time and have been putting off ma francais, which is not the way to learn it:)

{Kitten yawns and streches her little back and legs. "So tired"} I really don't have that much to write today.

Let's see, my father is insisting that I take a medical terminology course. I know the reason why, but, come on, I'm an accouting major. I could be using that time to work on more important things.

James

I got a call and an email from James last night. He wants to see me. I'm so torn. This is over and I just wish he would let it go. He has several girlfriends, who are all more his taste. Our relationship just doesn't work and never will. He's the reason why Kitten got no sleep last night. I miss him. Would some one please hit me and tell to grow up? While I told my story of how we meet and what we did last summer, I never said why and how we ended it. Maybe later this week.

Readers

Kitten is surprised. She seems to have a few readers. Over the past few weeks I have recieved some very interesting emails and thanks for your interest. Well, welcome thanks for reading and feel free to email or comment. {Kitten rubs against visitors}

French

Getting back to my French homework, which is what I really should be doing, I'm rather running behind. Too many workbooks and not enough time{sighs} I wish there was actually a French class I could take but unfortunately there isn't. I have negelected my other blog, which happens to be in French. I will right a post in it tonight.

News

will be posted tonight

Kitten's Emotional Ponderings and The Project

{Kitten is sitting dejectedly by her window, with the rain pouring down outside. She starts singing, "Rain, Rain, Go Away, Come Again Another Day.}

Kitten is thoughtful today. Breaha was happy that I shared my secret with her. She read the post where I was a little annoyed with her about three weeks back. I thought that I had taken the post down but I apparently, didn't. She felt bad and I do have to apologize because she wasn't the only person I was mad at the that day. In my numerous English Comp classes, I was always taught that the reader will usually remember what the last point/arguement is more than the others because it is the last thing that he reads. Well, Breaha was the last person that day to upset me so, I took all my flustrations out on her. Sorry Bri.

It did start me to think though. Everyone handles their emotions in a different way. Some are very honest(at times brutually honest) and show and tell whatever their feelings are. Others, let some of their emontions out but keep some back. There are some who hide their emontions and find other ways to release them (like me, through writing). Finally, there are people who just don't deal, with their emontions at all.

I envy the people who just tell it like it is. They may care about the other person and not want to her their feeling but they still tell them when their mad/sad/upset. In the end, it is this type of person who probably has the best relationship. They don't let problems fester. They just get it out there in the open and deal with it. Bri, I put you in this catagory and I so envy you. {Kitten pouts and swishes her tail, annoyed at herself}

Many people fall into the catagory of letting some emotions out but still hiding others. This is probably the second best way to deal with emotions. Tell what you're feeling most of the time but allow little and secrecy with some things. The only probably with hiding emotions is that they have a tendency to fester and agitate as time goes on.

Now here we are to my catagory. Yes, I'm one of those people who don't deal with emotions that much on the surface. I have trouble sometimes, expressing myself verbally. I do deal with my emotions though, by writing. This, however, is not the only way to get emotion out. Some work with music, others are into the arts. In my little opinion, this is not the best way to deal with things but it works. The biggest draw back is that the person(s) bother you might never know that your upset. Therefore problems are not always solved.

Finally, there are people who just do not deal with emotion/feelings at all. This is always very, very bad. You need to get emotions out in one way or another. Whether it is by telling the person directly, by talking to someone outside the situation, or by writing, music, danse,ect. The people who are upsetting you don't know you're hurt and you have these feelings that just don't go away becuase they are not being resolved.

My Little Project

Now, moving on to other things I have been working more on my summer research project on the sex industry, primarily, escorting. I have read many interesting comments from people on the subject but I stumbled upon a blog that really touched me. It was about a woman who is a mistress. She just blogged about her trials of seperating her emotions from her "work" and clients. In a strange way, I can relate to her, but not on her level, exactly. I have never been an escort or a mistress(although...Bri, be quite, I know what you're about to say;). The way I could relate to her was that she had everything but was still dissatified. I have a lot of things but it never seems to be enough. There's all ways something out there I want and at times, I don't even know what it is. Most peopel feel that way, though, so I'm not quite in the boat alone.

The thing I found most interesting about the blog was that she kept saying how liberating it was to be an escort. She didn't need the money, although I'm sure the money was a driving factor. It was the thrill, the excitiment, the rush. She was doing something taboo, saying to hell with society, and being completely independent. I wish I had her courage. It's too bad she hasn't updated her blog in about four years. It would have been really good

To Breaha: Confessions of a Kitten

{Kitten raises her cute little furry head at the sound of a familar footfall and get's up to give her best friend attention. Purring and rubbing up againt Bri with welcoming attention}

Kitten went to her best friends graduation today. Breaha has been one of my best friends since I can remember. We have went through a lot of things together (first crushes, first loves, breakups, other friends, family problems) but I realized that I have a whole another life that Breaha doesn't know about, or atleast not much.

Well, Bri, here's my sordid little story;) Now before I begin my narrative I need to state somethings. There are many thing that I have done that I'm not proud of. I know you're not religous but I try to be. A lot of what I have done I regret mostly for religous reasons and is the main reason why I have ended things with James. I don't want to feel like a hypocrite anymore. I know that you don't agree with a lot of the Catholic dogma and doctrine but I know that you know the importantance of following your conscience and doing what you, not other people believe what is right. These are all my dirty little secrets. Now we are even. No secrets between friends:)

The Meeting

As you know Bri, James and I met in Chicago at the Palmer House. I wa 18 and he was 42 but I didn't know it at the time. Actually, I orginally had his age at about 35. I was bored and mom had already went to bed but it was only 8 pm. Not ready to turn in I went down to the pool. James was the only one down there, we wound up talking. I'm not going to bore you with the maundane details of what we talked about. He asked me to dinner the next day and I went. Mom always goes to bed so early it was easy to slip away unnoticed. We exchanged cell phone numbers and email address.

Nothing happened for all most a year. My senior was innocent, pretty much. I had my little fling with Brian and we both now how that tunred out. Actually, it was James who pushed me to break with him. When I told James how Brian acted when I mentioned him, James got very concerned and told me that Brian sounded too dangerous for me. He was really there for me when I was going through that break up. Not that you weren't their for me, Bri{Kitten gives Breaha a big hug}. It's just that you both were there for me in differen ways.

What I Really Did Last Summer

Things really started to heat up between James and I last summer, after I had gone through those damned summer classes. I was feeling a little lost and I was a little out of control, although you never seen me when I was like that. No one ever knew that I was sneaking off to see a guy between my shopping trips with you and my long days at home. I was surprised, I thought I would be found out. It seemed so exciting.

It was in July that I first started sleeping with James. Before him, I had never really cared that much about sex but with James it was so tender and erotic. I was confident in himself which made me confident. When the guy feels unconfortable with the way he looks or performs then it makes me uncomfortable also. I'm not going to overshare here but suffice to say that he really brought me out of my shell where the bedroom is concerned.

We also went places together. He took me to England, France, and Mexico. Remember when everyone kept asking me if I would nervous when I left at Christmas to go to Mexico for Intercambio. Everyone thought that it was the first time out of the country{Kitten smiles mischievously} it wasn't, which was why I wasn't nervous. That and James was at the Cancun airport to meet me.

You might me asking yourself, "How did she manage to do this?" Well, it wasn't that hard really. While we(you and I) went out once a week, there were a few weeks inbetween where we didn't go out. It was during those few weeks that I went off globe trotting. As for mom, I told her some lame story that she knew was a lie but I was of legal age (19) and she just trusted that I knew what I was doing.

But wait. I said I went a little wild and having a little tete-a-tete with an older man isn't all that while. {Ok Bri, I know your shaking your heading and disagreeing with me but be a good audience and play along;) } It didn't do anything all that wild guess. I did get pretty close to being drunk a few times. I flirted (playfully, mind you) with a few very handsome men, who, rumor has it, have very shady pasts. I also did something else but I feel so ackwarded saying it which I don't know why. It's actually really funny. Maybe I'll tell you in private. It was what I considered one of my most wildest things I have done;)

All right Bri, there it is, with the exception of one little thing, here are all my secrtes. Rereading what I wrote, it doesn't sound all that exciting but I'll leave the judgement up to you.

{Kitten flicks her tail in goodbye and dissapears around the corner.}

Kitten's Worried

Kitten has had a rather good day but has just heard some worrying news. About two weeks ago I wrote that one of my favorite and most helpful blogs went to invited people only. I thought that she just wanted some privacy, which is perfectly understadable. Livvy lives a very intersting life and needs a little privacy. Well, I was just visiting another blog and one of other Livvy's frequent commentors asked what ha happened to her. The respons was that she was worried about Livvy and had written her but had heard nothing. They think it was a person who had been stalking her for some time. Maybe this woman just got to much for Livvy to handle. I really hope Livvy is all right. It might seem silly but I started to think of her as a friend. I can honestly say I never met (well, not actually met in the literal sense) anyone like her. I thought about writing her an email but if she hasn't resonded to any of the others, that probably means she just wants to be left alone. Maybe she blog again after she sorts through all her stuff but I just hope that she's ok.

Kitten sigh and flops down on velvet pillow to take an nap.

Kitten's Emontional Rollercoaster

Kitten is feeling better than she was this morning. The first part of my day didn't start off too good. I was actually considering just walking away... I got over what was upsetting me and now I'm fine. I just wish school would start again so I would have things to keep me occupied most of the time.

Today is such a beautiful day. I should be out going for a walk. I might but I have to get on Facebook and see if Breaha is free. I hate walking bymyself. It makes me feel vulnerable for some reason.

I recieved my powerpoint from the Intercambio trip from January. I was nice to finally get it. That was what actually made my day. Don't know why, silly right?

Kitten's Tired Sunday

Kitten has not had the best day. I'm not sick but I'm not well either(exactly). Alas, it's my time of the month and I feel horrible:( Breaha and I were supposed to go out and finish her shopping but I'm afraid I just can't today. I felt a little bad about it because her graduation is Saturday and her awards ceremony is tomorrow. Maybe Karen or Erin will take her.

I thought I was picky when it came to shopping. I have nothing on Breaha. I do have to apologize to her though. When she said she had a hard time finding clothes to fit her I always rolled my eyes. I see after today that she was telling the truth. She's a size 9 but her breast are like a DD or F, they just don't match her body and prevent her from buying clothes that fit.

I thought about giving Breaha the link to this blog but I changed my mind. I would have to delet many parts of this blog that would hurt her feeings. I also need an out, escpically, when we start to room together.

Kitten's feeling better, thankfully, and think I shall find a good book and go curl up in the sun:)

Kitten is in a really good mood today. Breaha and I will be going out soon. She has to get a new outfit for graduation. Speaking of her graduation, I hope she likes her present. This is something that she really needs, can personalize however she wants it, and can do anything she wants with it. It just has to be taken somewhere to have some work done on it.

Kitten's Day of Self-examination

Kitten is try to do some self examenation/evaluation today, and I'm not feeling so great about what I've learned. There are so many things in my life I should be grateful about. I've never been abused, always gotten what I needed, sheltered, and loved. Yet, I seem to feel as if I'm missing out, like I need something more.

This is a problem everyone has and it's probably the main reason people get in trouble. Their out there looking for something that will make them whole. The only problem is that you can't make something whole that was never whole to begin with. No, I'm not being emo, it's just that because of orginal sin and conquipsense, we are severed from God and can never and have never been whole. God is the only the only way to feel is even close to this "wholeness" that we seek.

God's not as exciting, dangerous, or fun as other things (e.g. drugs, sex, friends, clothes, beauty). I suffer from this just like anyone else. I prefer to go after the more exciting dangerous thing or guys, in my case. I mean, come on, it's definetly a lot more fun to get laid then to say the rosary or go to mass everyday. However, what is fun/exciting for us is not usually what is in our best interest, as I have learned (the hard way). In the end, these trivial short term activities don't make us feel whole. Actually, they can make us feel empty and more alone then when we started.

Therefore, it seems the obvious choice just to take the moral high ground, right? Theorotically speaking, yes, practically and actually, no. For every one good tempation, there are two, if not three, bad temptations. So, how does one do what is right and still be satified and have a good time?

Kitten swishes her tail discouraged and looks around for the answers. Afraid I don't know the answer to that one and never will. I'll always be tempted by certain things and I guess that I'll just have to try and do the best I can with the situations that I have and will have. I guess that's all any one can do.

One of the first things I realized in my self examination was that I'm not really solving my problems, merely sweeping them under the rug. Getting rid of all my skeletons has to be the first thing I need to do. I have so many problems that I simply don't want to deal with because there difficult/painful. Unfortunately, These problems can't be solved over night, hence why they are difficult. My father, Christina, trust, and forgiveness are my main things. Until I'm able to get past these problems they're just going to keep compounding with future problems.

I wish I could say that I learned something from my exercises today. I might be more focused but no clear answer surfaced

One of those days

Kitten is asking herself if she looks like a dog. I must because people think that I should run and fetch something or someone whenever they command. My father called 10minutes ago and said that his garage and brick house needed to unlocked. Well, mom is the only one who has the keys so I told him he's just going to have to wait till she gets back. After I got off the phone with him, Betty started on about how I could go out to find her. I told her no, because I would just miss her, she had to go to several places. Then she just came in and told me again that I could go and get her. I'm sick of jumping when everyone needs me to. No one does it for me. The damned building can wait half and hour. He should have thought of that when he called earlier. As far as Betty's concerned,if she wants mom found so badly, she can drive my car and go get her.

I have a feeling it's not going to be a good day.

My day did get better. I went to work and was kept pretty busy.

A Normal Day for Kitten

Kitten had a good day today. It has actually been the best day that I've had in, well, a long time. No drama, no fighting, and no problems. It was just a norma Sunday and it was also Mother's Day.

Not really much else to write. I'm starting a new French project. This afternoon I started a new blog which I'm going to write in French. I'll probably only write something once a week, since it will probably take me a week to write a post this long.

Kitten yawns and stretches. It's bed time. Swishes tail and head off to find a place to curl up for the night:)

Goodbye Mist

Kitten is distressed and sadden today. I just found out that one of the stray cats we care for died. Mist was a very pretty, sweet, and friendly wisp of a cat. She was a stray and came to our house to eat and sleep. She was probably one of my favorites. Mist would let me pet her and she even let me pick her up, which is unsual for a stary. She always seemed so tragic and lost, it made me love her. I remember the last time I seen her, two days ago. I was walking back from the office, when I meet Mist at the garage. She gave me her sweet, somewhat sad meow and rubbed against my legs. Well, I was preoccupied with my drama and only reached down to give her a quick pet and walked on. I remember looking back at her. She seemed so lonely and forgotten and a little hurt that I didn't stay longer. I felt guilty but was being selfish. Mist never meowed or tried to get my attention though, sweet baby. She just wandered away. I know it sounds stupid getting this upset over a cat but... I just wish that I had paid more attention to her.

Kitten has had a clean but long busy day

Kitten's been cleaning all day and not quite done just yet but its break time. I've done some switching around with rooms. We started at 8 and I had to stop at 12 to go to Rockville and clean their.

My father's house keeper is on vacation so I volunteered. My mother didn't want me to. She said that's not my job to clean up after my father's wife. I understand her feelings. She was my father's mistress and I still think she has something for him after all these years.

I really don't care who I'm cleaning for, I just like to clean. It's fun and relaxing. The fact that it's for his wife doesn't matter. In a way I feel sorry for her even though she a bitch most of the time (to everyone). She's been lonely and unhappy for a long time. I think they've been married for close to, if not, 30 years. The both emontionally left the marriage long ago, though, and that's even if they ever loved each other.

I called J--- Tuesday night and ended it. I can't be with him anymore. He lied to me, made an idot of me, and made me do things I shouldn't have done. I don't hate him, I even forgive him, but I cannot forget what he lied to me about and how long he did so. I wish him well, but I don't want to see him anymore.

I was a wreck Tuesday and yesterday wasn't much better but today I don't feel so sick and hurt. I know that it was better to end. The sad thing is I still love him even after I found out.

Breaha was able to make me feel better. She finally emailed and commented on my page on FaceBook. While she doesn't have a clue about what happened, it helped just to talk to her. She's my best friends. I hope that she would be able to forgive me for not telling her all that really happened. She hasn't been there so she couldn't understand, just like I couldn't understant her break up with her ex.

Kitten's going to go find a chocolaty sanck to munch and a big cup of coffe on for some energy and comfort.

Kitten's Boring, Sad, and Annoyed Day

Kitten has had a rather boring day. Now that school is over with, well for a month atleast, until summer school starts anyway. I need to be studying my French and I have plenty of books to read but I just can't get into them.

I'm sad today too. One of my favorite blogs went to password protection, but I think she has good reasons for doing so. I hope she's okay. She's a very open minded and fair woman and I'll miss her witty post. If you ever read this Livvy, I want to thank you for helping me see a different point of veiw and changing the way I think about a few things. You're in my prayers.

I'm also somewhat annoyed today because I have to go back to work when I just got back an hour ago.

My father brought me a book of Russian Folklore. It's really interesting and funny. I'll be very busy for the next few days so I probably won't be able to post again until Thursday.

Kitten and Allergies

Kitten is suffering from allergies today. Blasted pollen:( Other than that, though, I had a good day. Actually I did something I haven't done in a really long time. I went mushroom hunting! Kitten was able to frolic in the meadows, run down the hill, and play with grumpy turtle who did not want to be bothered. Unfortunately, I only found two mushrooms but it was fun.

First Day of Vacation

Kitten is a little sleepy today and somewhat annoyed at her best friend. I was up most of th night because of way too much caffine over the past few days. I'm so glad that it's over. I managed to get a 98% on my accounting final.

Breaha really annoyed me last night. She called me Thursday afternoon and asked if I wanted to go out. I had plans all ready but she said that she needed to get a few things so I cancelled what I had planned to go out with her. So, I call her about a quarter till four to tell her I'm on my way to pick her up when her aunt Karen picks up the phone and tells me Breaha's at a friends house. She told me that she would get ahold of Breaha and have her call me. Breaha did about 10 minutes later and told me that Jared and given her a bad dye job and she was having Amy fix it that night. I was a little abrupt with her and it wasn't that she had to cancelled that had my tail in the ringer, it was that she had not bothered to call and let me know so that I could go on with my other plans. I do and put up with a lot from her and yet she is still so completely unconsiderate.

I have this coming week off for the most part, no work. I do have to call down to ISU and get registered for summer classes but other than that I get to lounge about in the sun. Unfortunately, I may have lounge in the shade because it's going to be cloudy for the next few days. I guess that's better than rain, though. We have gotten so much in the pat few days that I thought that I was going to have to pull out the raft and swim flippers.

Kitten Last Day of School

Kitten has substituted her normal kitten picture with that of her college dormatory in honor of her last day of classes. It's finally here! All I have to do is get through this blasted Accounting and then I'm finished(well, until summer classes start in June anyway). To celebrate, Breaha and I are going out shopping. She has things to get for the prom and, well, I have no reason but does anyone really need a reason to go shopping? I need to get studying since my final is at 1.