Kitten's Day of Self-examination

Kitten is try to do some self examenation/evaluation today, and I'm not feeling so great about what I've learned. There are so many things in my life I should be grateful about. I've never been abused, always gotten what I needed, sheltered, and loved. Yet, I seem to feel as if I'm missing out, like I need something more.

This is a problem everyone has and it's probably the main reason people get in trouble. Their out there looking for something that will make them whole. The only problem is that you can't make something whole that was never whole to begin with. No, I'm not being emo, it's just that because of orginal sin and conquipsense, we are severed from God and can never and have never been whole. God is the only the only way to feel is even close to this "wholeness" that we seek.

God's not as exciting, dangerous, or fun as other things (e.g. drugs, sex, friends, clothes, beauty). I suffer from this just like anyone else. I prefer to go after the more exciting dangerous thing or guys, in my case. I mean, come on, it's definetly a lot more fun to get laid then to say the rosary or go to mass everyday. However, what is fun/exciting for us is not usually what is in our best interest, as I have learned (the hard way). In the end, these trivial short term activities don't make us feel whole. Actually, they can make us feel empty and more alone then when we started.

Therefore, it seems the obvious choice just to take the moral high ground, right? Theorotically speaking, yes, practically and actually, no. For every one good tempation, there are two, if not three, bad temptations. So, how does one do what is right and still be satified and have a good time?

Kitten swishes her tail discouraged and looks around for the answers. Afraid I don't know the answer to that one and never will. I'll always be tempted by certain things and I guess that I'll just have to try and do the best I can with the situations that I have and will have. I guess that's all any one can do.

One of the first things I realized in my self examination was that I'm not really solving my problems, merely sweeping them under the rug. Getting rid of all my skeletons has to be the first thing I need to do. I have so many problems that I simply don't want to deal with because there difficult/painful. Unfortunately, These problems can't be solved over night, hence why they are difficult. My father, Christina, trust, and forgiveness are my main things. Until I'm able to get past these problems they're just going to keep compounding with future problems.

I wish I could say that I learned something from my exercises today. I might be more focused but no clear answer surfaced