Kittens Updates

{Kitten is justing coming in from frolicking on this beautiful summer evening. There's a nice breeze, the humidity is down, and its just comfortable :) }

Kitten apologizes neglecitng her blog lately. Manything have been happening. Some good, some bad, and others juts annoying.

I suppose I say that Johnthan is no longer a problem. James said he had that he took care of it, whatever that means. I'm glad, I have to say, I was a little spooked but what's even more creepy is the fact that I might I have been in contact with him and didn't know it. James thinks he was talking to me via email, during my little project back in April. Oops :( Yeah, James gave me a lecture about how stupid that was and suffice to say he now knows all my sites. {Pouts and whine about lack of privacy}

Other then being lectured, James did talk to me about other things of the past few weeks. He apologized for his proposition. He said that he never meant to make me like a whore and that wasn't his attention. Actually, he said that out of his female acquantices that I was probably the most innocent. Know my Little Sis thinks I'm wordly but I know that Lady Aurora woud probably disagree.

I guess maybe I did feel a little strange at the offer but it wasn't the offer itself. It was the fact that I really wanted to take him up on it. I wanted to be his mistress. I wanted to be wild and uninhibited. I wanted, just once, to say yes instead of no. James did say that me turning down his offer actually made him respect me more, although he wished he could be with me more than one or two night everyother month.

I have now come to turns with my decision. My main problem was that I was looking at saying to his offer as a closed door but its not. By saying no I said yes to a more normal life. I might have a wilder and more lucrative time but I'll get to have all sorts of fun with my Lil Sis. We'll get to live together, go shopping, to events at school, meet guys, and just me normal college girls. I'm fine with that now. Besides, I lost focus for awhile. I once said that I would never let a man come between me and my friends and even though that was not what James ment to do, by any means, I would not have gotten to be with Little Sister much had I been James mistress.

Now, I did not come to this conclusion over the course of last week. Actually, had you asked me Friday if I was going to change my decision, I would have definetly said yes. I had planned to call James when Lil Sis and I got back but something happened. Lil Sis gave me the prettiest little fan she bought at the faire. While at first, I only looked how pretty it was in the car and my only thought was that on annoyance because I couldn't have gone and watched Lil Sis get hit on by a bunch of girls, something dawned on me later that night while looking at it. The fan shows two geshia girls both looking at the fishes in a pond and both very pretty. They are also different. One is staring directly in the pond with a mostly blue with some pink robe. She looks coy; likess she's hiding a secret and musing about it. The other girl is in mostly pink with some red. She looking at the fishes, her hands half hiding her face;likes she daydreaming about her new found lover. These two represent Lil Sis and I but it was not just the dress and the way the looked, it was the the whole unseen sceme that seemed to be around. One hiding a secret and the ther blushing innocent at the thought of her new love interest. I then started to wonder what I would have painted the next picture as{well, if I could paint} The first thing that came to mind was the two girl geshia girls laughing under a cherry blossom tree or with there family. I didn't think of putting them with there respective lovers and that's when it dawned on me. I didn't really want to move away from my family and best Lil Sis, if I had been ready I would have thought about the two geshia with their paramour, right off the bat. {Yes, I'm being a little dramatic here and you must remember, that this musing took place. Now see Little Sis, you were apart of my decision making and didn't even now it:) }

My Goodbye

{Kitten is curles up in a little ball sad and wondering...}

Kittens feels very alone today, not literally, but mentally and emotionally. A dear friend helped me see that I did not like where my life was going and what I might become if I went down that path. Seeing what I have lost and what I have gained in exchange saddens and dissapoints me. I'm disgusted with myself and I think its going to be awhile before I'll trust myslef again, concerning men anyway.

There nothing I can do about the past but I will not repeat the same mistakes over. I want a normal life, with normal drama {whatever that is}. No more clandestined meetings, covered days, or lying in general. I have gained some foresight from my last two years into... but now it's time to move on, cut ties, and live a normal life.

I've said this before but this time I really mean it. I'm not mad at anyone, I'm not sad because of anyone person. I just feel it's time to let go...

My Infuriating Day

{Kitten paces restlessly and anxiously about blog, jumping at every little sounds she hears}

How is it that things can be perfectly fine and oh so nicely boring and the next day, wham!, complications abounds. I hate drama!

Little Kitten-chan and I went out last night and had a perfectly good time until the storm. Then I had to practically pull Little Kitten out from under the car seats {there there Little Kitten, everythings all right :) } We had quite a little storm. I thought the lightening was rather beautiful and poetical but no apparetnly agreed with me. Well, anyway, Little Kitten-chan spent the night and we had a lovely game of Battle of the Sexes with someone special to my little sis ;)

Today started out well but went quickly down hill. I was a little grumpy and everything that my father said to me was like nails on a chalkboard {I detest that sound}. Then, we I got home and was able to check my email I found a rather cryptic message from someone I known, whom shall hence be called Johnthan. He said that he wanted to talk to me about something and asked if I could call him at 8 pm my time. Now, I'm not in the mood a mystery today and was rather annoyed by such a vague letter practically demanding me to contact him at his convince. At first I was going to ignore it but then decided to go ahead and call so I could tell him off.

Now, before I proced, I shall give a very brief tale of how I know this man. It was during my 1st term in October that I first met him. James had me come with him to NY. It was one of the few times I was able to get away for the weekend. {You know, its really heard to try and come up with a plusable story that both friends, family, and work will buy} That Saturday, he took me to a party to some of his friends. I have never been all that crazy about crowds, two to five is usually my comfort level, but there were a lot of people there. I knew no one there so I was pretty much glued to James side. We got into a large group and I lost him. So here I was, all alone in this crowd when a very nicely dressed, tall and imposing man comes up to me{ I descripe him as very well looking and he is but... there is something about him ... } He starts to talk and makes me feel slightly more comfortable. We finally found out way out of the crowd and set down. He talked and flirited with me for about 5 minutes until James found me. I was relieved to see him because even though Johnthan had made me feel less anxious around other people, I felt the need to be on my guard while I was with him. James, obviously did not like him, and he did admit that he knew him but refused to tell me how or anything about him. As a matter of fact James told me not to speak to him again and we left the party soon after wards. I brought Johnthan up again but he refused and still does refsue to tell me anything about him. All James would say is to stay away from him because he's not a good guy.

After that night, I have never had any contact with Johnthan again nor desired to and once my annoyance and temper wore off began to wonder. What did he want and a better question still, how did he get my new number? I've only had this phone for about 2 weeks. I tried to get a hold of James to ask him what this might be about but couldn't. I am too much of a scardy cat to call him. I thought maybe I should wait and see what James has to say.

My Mysterious Friday Night

{Kitten emerges from her walk outside and settles down on velvet cushion, ready to tell the readers of her mysterious night Friday}

Well, Friday did not start out the best that great. I was feeling rather grumpy and out of sorts, not to mention I could not do anything right. Little Sis and I were supposed to go out but both of us had unforseeable problems. She had work and I had an appointment. I was a little upset{not at anyone in particular, just life} when James called. He was rather cyrptic and said that he was coming to see me.

He picked me up at 9:30 and we went to where he was staying, which was about an hour and half away. We just caught up in the car. He was making me both curious and nervous because he still had mention the reason for his impromtu trip. We got to his hotel and we ordered room service. For awhile, we just ate in companionable silence but I could tell there was something on his mind. I wanted to ask but was afraid too. While we're just friends now, I was afraid there was something something he was hidding from me.

About half way through diner, he started to ask how I had been feeling and if there was anything new that I wanted to tell him. Well, at first, I was rather annoyed and thought that he was the one who seemed to be hiding something not me. After all, he was the one to call this little tete-a-tete. He waited for my answer and when I told him that everything was fine and nothing note worthy had happened in the last week and half he looked at me a little exasperated.

We finished dinner and desert but he still kept looking at me rather oddly. Finally, he just blurted out "Are you pregnant?" I couldn't help it, I just started laughing. That was what he had been so concerned over. After I had finished laughing at his expense I relieved him with the news that he was not to be a daddy anytime soon, unless he knew something that I didn't:) In truth, Kitten is certain she is not expecting any wee little one's is because she is on her time of the month{unfortunately, sighs}.

After James realized that he was not going to have to go out and buy cigars anytime soon, he laughed about it himself. To be fair to him, if you didn't know me on a personal basis, you might of thought I'd the signs of pregnancy too. I was a little upset to my tummy but that not unusal for me. Anything too greasy and my stomach rebels. I was also moody but in my defense I was PMSing.

I did ask him what he would had done if I had been pregnant. He knows I'm very pro-life so he knew better than to bring that up. He said that he would have taken over financial support of the baby and me. We both knew and still know that marriage is not an option for either of us but he said that he would have been apart of his/her life. {Sighs staring out window wondering what might have been and afraid to think of what will be}

Once that was sorted out we had a nice time talking. Unfortunately, I had to get back home because I had to be in at work at 8. I didn't get any sleep whatsoever:(

Welcom Kitten's Little Sister!

{Kitten is jumping all about blog in excitment} Bri-chan posted her first post:) Yeahhhh! I'm happy that my best friend is on blogger but that is the only thing that has gone right today.
My New Cell
I had to get a new cell phone today. My Verizon Venus just would not work with me. {Kitten sighs and curses that she is technicologically challenged} Well, I ended up with an IPhone, which wasn't what I wanted and I didn't think I'd like it but, surprising, I think I will. I can do so much more with this thing than I could my other one. It took me an hour or so to get the hang of it but it was faster than getting it. Because of various problems, I was in the store for almost two hours{cries :( }
It's Kittens Time
I started today:( I was not happy and I felt not so good for the rest of the afternoon. Why are periods so inconvient? It comes with so many problems: bloating, fatigue, aching, cramps, ect.
It's not so fun.
The Purse Disappointment
{Kitten falls back on velvet cushion with disgust after her morning shopping trip with mother} I just do not like the purse styles they have out. I went to Macy's, ElderBeerman, JCPenny's, and Kohls and could not find anything. It's so flustrating to go out shopping and not find what your looking for. I did, however find two very pretty necklaces at Macy's that I got, which easied the pain some.
Book, Books, Books
Over the past few days I have not been able to concentrate on anything. My mind is like a bouncy ball; it jumps from one idea to the next in seconds. I have been able to focus on a book. Actually I read Sin of a Wicked Duke by Sophie Jordon Saturday. The plot wasn't overly complex and the characters are not developed as fully as they could be but it was still an excellent read. The story was interesting and it had some really amusing parts. Plus, the more intimate scenes were deliciously steamy;) Really, I don't think could have stayed focuses on anything too complex. I'm also reading another interesting book called Pardon My French by Charles Timoney. It's not a novel. It tells the readers about important words that the readers might want to know if they wish to learn the language fluently and talk like everyone else. Very amusing, informative, and helpful.

An Odd Day

{Kitten streches out in front of window as the birds go flying by. Thinking...}

Kitten is in an odd mood today. Nothing bad happened today but something is off. I hate this feeling. It's not restlesness or discontenment; it's just there.

Of Religion

I have been reflecting though, on religious matters{rubs tail over head to try and rid herself of her headache} I've been feeling rather guility about the way my life has been going. I'm sure it's not what God wants but is it wrong for me not to regret what I've done. After all, if we didn't make mistakes, how would we ever learn.

Besides, it was may mistakes that have made me who I am. There are a few people (no, not you Bri) that would agree that the person I am now isn't that great. Some might even argue that I have completely turn away from the Catholic faith.

First off, I have made my mistakes and I do consider them mistakes, although, I don't regret making them. I say this because over the past year I have become much more open minded about things and have come to respect other people's opinion, even though I may not agree with them. After all, somewhere in the New Testament, Christ did say, let he who is without sin cast the first stone. I have no right to judge others and there actions anymore than they do me. They only person I should be judging is myself because I can only answer for myself. Being around James and the people he knew made me see that I can still like people, be friends with them, even though we do not have the same beliefs. In my research with mistresses{ and escorts}, I started to see even more clearly, that people are so uniquely individual and are motivated by some many different things{and not all ways the obvious things either} that no one is truly good or truly bad. Another thing my research, and well my own predicament showed me, was that you shouldn't judge a book by it's cover. Your best and oh so innocent, life-long friend my be a mistress to a unkown man; While an escort/ prostitute/ courtesan might be motivated by reasons other than the obvious. You never know what drives people; why they think the way they think, why they do the things they do, why they make the mistakes that they make. Ww need to think anout things like this but not judge what they do. Who's to say we haven't done worse?

So, how does this relate back to my afore mentioned topic of religion? Because of my experinces, I have leanred atleast one valuable lesson and hopefully, this will help make me a better Catholic. I have lost my way and I need to find my way back now but somethings are not that simple. Somethings take a lot of time and this will.

At the Courthose...

On a more annoying note, I was at the court house today taking taxes up for my father and his wife on numerous properties that they hold. While I was wating for the girl to finish up, I noticed she kept looking at me off and on. After a while she leaned over to the other woman, put the paper she was working on over her mouth to try and sheild her words, and asked her if I was his daughter. The other woman nodded. This rather annoyed me. She could have at least waited until I was out of the building to ask, or atleast after I had left the desk and not right in front of me. I'm not bothered by the fact that they knew who my father was, I look like him. I have his face structure, eye color, and hair color. I don't even care that people know I'm his bastard daughter, I just wish people showed more courtesy{sighs} people have no manners.